What Will You Learn About Escaping a Narcissist?
If you have been abused and coercively manipulated by your life partner, it is highly likely that he or she is narcissistic. You might have been silently taking all the toxicity he has been throwing at you to maintain his perfect image and aura without realizing what has been happening to you. His taunting and soul-piercing statements might be pushing you into oblivion, but by reading this blog, you can discover effective ways to escape a narcissist and the falsely manufactured confinement they have built all around you.
Mindset of a Narcissist
A narcissist always needs a passive person in his or her life. These people are highly selfish and manipulative in intimate relationships. They stay on the receiver’s side for the rest of their life with hardly a few moments of joy and happiness with their partners.
They are extremely cunning and deliberately exhaust all the options you may ever have to part ways with them if their abusive level reaches beyond the point of being given any consideration or another chance from your end. You are aware of this fact, yet, you try to hang in there hoping that things will eventually get better between both of you.
However, it is a delusion and a vicious cycle you are trapped in. Always remember that if your partner is a narcissist, you are dealing with a person who is damaged beyond repair. Thus, it is better for you to try to escape the relationship despite all the circumstantial indications making you think otherwise.
You have to realize the fact that your narcissist partner knows very well that he or she can always use the following against you to pull you back into the relationship if you ever consider splitting finally:
- History together
- Pressure of the family
- Making you believe that you have to take care of their illness which is completely different
- Giving you a ray of hope that things may get better
- They think that they are broken and it is your obligation to help them come out of it
- You are always a giver in the relationship and it is fine for you to accept it that way
At the end of the day, it is all your choice whether you want to stay in an abusive relationship or muster the strength to break free for healthy living. You need to change your mindset and actually believe that you have what it takes to part ways with your abusive partner once and for all.
A Broken Machine
Just at the brink of splitting your relationship, you may wonder that your abusive partner deserves just one last chance, you have to keep the following in your mind:
- Your hope for conquering love and semblance someday is just a far-fetched thought and it will never happen.
- You will never be able to return to what your relationship had been initially.
- Narcissists can never be fixed.
- They cannot be changed.
- They are the ultimate destroyers as they lack empathy, emotions and feelings.
Understanding a Narcissist
One of the worst mistakes you can ever make in relation to dealing with your narcissist partner is to rely on logical cues as to why he or she behaves in a certain way. No matter how many logical conclusions you may try to draw after getting into a spat with your husband or wife, you will never find any. You may not be able to find a good reason as they start screaming at you for just not picking his or her clothes from the dry cleaner when they are not immediately needed to be worn.
They may make you feel confused or disoriented as you try to make logical connections as you deeply analyze your verbal spat, but to be honest, if you do that for too long, not only you are wasting your time, but also your emotional strength.
The reason why narcissists shout or scream at you is that they want a reaction from you as it is their fuel. These people do not understand the logic and the only thing they want from you is a reaction by provoking you. They are highly manipulative and they want you to give in to their demands.
They want you to run around them doing their chores and make you feel bad regardless of the situation. Any kind of reaction they incite from you is their fuel and the day you stop reacting, you will begin to find a way to escape them. Thus, they do not deal in logic, but energy.
The Power of Ignoring a Narcissist
Now you know that a narcissist craves your attention, no matter in what form. However, you have one weapon in your armory to dislodge his or her behavior and it is ignorance. The day you stop reacting to a narcissist’s ways of getting attention from you, the closer you get to finding a way to escape the relationship.
Once you stop reacting to the tantrums of a narcissist, you lay a foundation to dismantle his manipulative behavior. But it is not as easy as you may perceive it to be. Ignorance indeed is the first solid step, but there is a lot you need to do from here on to finally make it to your ultimate destination. A narcissist has many weapons in his armory to break your resolve and give him what he desperately craves for, your attention be it through your anger or sympathy.
Thus, you have to be extremely determined in your resolve by conserving your energy to ignore a narcissist. He or she would go to any extent to break you, but you have to be strong and maintain your focus.
Learn About Twenty Three Manipulative Tactics of Narcissists to Escape Them
Once you close all the doors for a narcissist to get your attention, he may leave you alone and try to find other people to refuel their craving for attention. They may also come back to you but once you understand the various forms of manipulative techniques they may apply to you, you will be better prepared to find a way to release yourself from their clutches. These techniques are as follows:
A narcissist can use intimidation as one of his manipulative methods to generate fear in you. All he wants you to do is overreact and perceive him to be intimidating you. He could also inform others that you are simply imagining things to make you appear crazy. However, you need to record the details of your conversations in a written format to convince others of a narcissist’s intimidating behavior. It may also serve as supporting evidence in the court if needed.
Keep it a secret so that he may not try to temper with all the evidence you have gathered to back your claim. Make sure that the recorded documentation is kept elsewhere where a narcissist may not find it and keep it updated. You can also use your smartphone to record all the details of your conversation with your narcissist partner. Record his behavior using the video camera of your phone and send it to your email account. Make sure that it is not accessible to the narcissist.
In addition, whenever an act of intimidation is being incited by your partner, you can simply leave the room or the building where it is taking place to leave him wondering why you escaped this time.
Usually, when your partner is intimidating you, he is naturally expecting a reaction from you but when you leave him wrong-footed, he will get confused. Narcissists are predictable creatures and they are designed to invite you to challenge them and when you avoid repetition of behavior, you leave them confused.
As you stop reacting to the intimidation every time it takes place, you will choke your partner’s craving for deploying manipulative behavior to get your attention. However, all is not well yet, so be ready for other manipulative attempts from your narcissist partner ahead.
Every healthy person goes through a four-step process before making a certain decision. First, he sees what the situation is. Then, he makes an analysis of what is it all about and decides a line of action accordingly before acting upon it.
Narcissists are not programmed to go through this process and their behavioral responses are simply based on triggers and they also expect you to behave like them rather than relying on a careful assessment of the situation before giving any reaction. They use provocation as a manipulative weapon to make you leapfrog stages two and three and draw their desired reaction from you as their fuel. This mechanism is also known as fight or flight.
It is a fact that when you are under pressure or stress, you are more likely to bypass the rational way of making a final decision. When your dignity and integrity are under threat, you do everything possible to reclaim them.
A narcissist may provoke you by saying unpleasant things to you or start flirting with others to make you jealous and draw the desired reaction from you. This way, you are not given the emotional space to calculate the situation carefully and in the heat of the moment, you are highly likely to give an extreme reaction and that is what your partner wants from you. However, when confronted with such an instance, all is not lost and you have the weapons to disable his manipulative behavior.
- You must be able to identify different forms of provocation attempts in the forms of flirting with another person or an opposite sex or calling names.
- Make sure that the matter being discussed reaches successful conclusion. If it does not, beware that it is just a bait to provoke you.
- When being provoked, avoid seeking logic or reason as a way to steer clear from the situation. The narcissist is also well aware of how long he can go on nagging you to draw a reaction from you. Learn to nullify the provocation and determine whether the discussion can end up being constructive or you simply need to walk away.
- Maintain a calm demeanor and do not give in to provocative banters of your narcissist partner and he will stop as he is going to realize that his manipulative engagement is useless.
- Avoid any form of retaliation as that is what the narcissist wants from you.
- If your partner falsely accuses you of something, warn him as it will draw a line between what is acceptable and what is not. In case the behavior is repeated, you already know that you have told the truth and it is now your partner’s problem to accept it or not. It will also help you avoid fight and demonstrate reasonable behavior.
When a narcissist is angry, never try to soothe him through logical reasoning. They feel superior to you and they believe that they are always right even if they are not. If you criticize them, you are only going to complicate the situation further. It may even escalate into verbal and physical abuse if you react naturally.
By responding in anger, you are only going to add more fuel to the fire and as a result, you risk your children, property and other loved ones with you being put on the path of harm. If the situation does get that bad you need to do the following:
- Make sure that your dependents are fine;
- Just remove yourself from the violence;
- Call the police
Forget about trying to calm down a narcissist as he never understands logic. His anger is always blind and they hate to be with you. The longer you stay in front of them the more enraged they will become. Thus, the best option is to leave him on his own. You may get tempted to fight back with some of your own verbal abuse but you must resist that to avoid escalating the situation further. It might be very difficult but you have to go against your impulsive temptation.
Do not feel guilty as a narcissist’s extreme anger is not your fault. You just need to understand that that is how he is wired to behave and you simply cannot do anything to control that except leave the situation.
Narcissists use gaslighting as a way to convince you that they are right even if they are not. They would firmly hold on to their stance no matter how illogical or false it may appear to be. They would speak with outright conviction to lure you into their self-created world which does not complement reality.
If you have been maintaining a written record of all your confrontations with a narcissist, it may not be a good idea to present it to them as a piece of evidence to convince them of how they have been fabricating the facts to hold their ground firmly and make you appear like a confused person.
Gaslighting is one of the manipulative tools that these people use to make you engage with them in an effort to prove yourself right. They like being challenged and once you do give in to such tactics, they use it as fuel for themselves. All your efforts, no matter how hard you try, go in vain because it is impossible for you to convince them and that is what they want. The more you try, the more attention you give to them and there is nothing better they want from you.
The purpose of keeping a written record of your confrontations with a narcissist is to convince yourself that you are right. It can help you remain in the world of reality which is contrary to what narcissists want. They do not live in the world of reality and all their manipulative attempts are designed to lure you into their false reality.
A narcissist uses his charm and seduction to lure you into a committed relationship when both of you have not even met more than three times. He showers his praise and love on you for greater gains in the future.
During the first few meetings between both of you, he would display extreme love and affection for you which is impossible considering that both of you have hardly met twice.
His conversation would dominate only one topic which is you. It may seem peculiar that someone so desperate for others’ attention or exhibiting behavior that only ends up returning to himself; becomes so fond of a complete stranger he has met only once or twice.
Behind all this seductive and manoeuvring behavior lies a hidden intent which is to win your commitment so that he can use you as fuel to satisfy his craving for attention. You need to be very careful during the initial meetings with this person and observe anything which may sound extreme or strange; something that never springs up among normal people during the initial phases of a relationship.
In addition, before meeting you, there is a good chance that this person has already done some research work on you. He may know things about you that usually remain hidden until someone gets very close to you in a real intimate relationship. He may reveal very little about himself and make you believe that he agrees with you and that his and your likes and dislikes are similar.
One of the best things you can do to make sure that you are not seeing the wrong person is to share your experience of meeting this person with your friends as they may clearly help you find the loopholes. They may serve as the best guide for you before you decide to make any formal commitment. Their opinion may count a lot as it could save your life.
A narcissist uses reflection as a tool to blame you for his or her faults. Since in his mind, he is always right, he will put all the blame for his wrongdoings on you to feel better about himself. If you find yourself being accused of whatever wrong he has done, you need to understand that he is trying to project his feelings of guilt on you.
After all, his ultimate objective is to use you as a scapegoat and make you feel bad for what you have not done. Considering this kind of behavior, you must forget about changing his intentions or wait for him to turn into an angel someday by confessing that he has always been unfair.
You can never change a narcissist’s behavior, no matter how hard you try or keep your hopes alive. The only option you have is to remain calm and do not bow down to his tantrums. Stay calm when you hear him screaming at you uselessly and think that it is his problems that he is trying to project on you.
Never take his blame seriously as it will damage your sense of self-worth and always remember that all his tactics are purely based on making him feel better and there is no truth in it. Also, never change your behavior when he starts reflecting as it will strengthen his position and he will keep using this weapon again and again.
The best approach for you in this regard is to never give heed to what he has to say against you. Every time there is an instance where he is putting all the blame on you for what he has done, you need to silently remind yourself that you have nothing to do with it and it is all his problems.
If you have an inkling that an argument is escalating with no logical conclusion, it is time for you to politely end your conversation and completely remove yourself from the situation.
Your partner can also use guilt as one of his manipulative tactics. This technique is the easiest for a narcissist as it requires little effort with greater rewards in the form of your attention which he uses as his fuel.
Stay alert and try to notice when he randomly passes an unpleasant remark designed to make you feel guilty even if the comment he has made is decorated with a compliment. Your objective here should be to identify such remarks and resist them.
If you give in by feeling bad, it is going to encourage him to use it, again and again, to feel good. You have to stop being empathetic towards him so that when he realizes that his tactics are not having any effect on you as he anticipates, he would stop expending his energy and give up.
A narcissist loves to win and when he notices that you have stopped giving him the fuel he needs to feel good about him, he stops utilizing his precious resources. He has to be economical in terms of using his limited resources and when he realizes that your resistance is wasting his energy, he stops using this tactic to conserve his strength.
Once again, remind yourself that it is his problem that he is trying to reflect on you by using guilt as a weapon. Just keep in mind that the only concern a narcissist has is to get what he wants and any promises he has made with you in the past were just empty.
Beware that it is not just your partner you have to deal with, but also his lieutenants. They can be some of his friends from high school, some people in your neighborhood, his coworkers and even people from your family.
He needs these people to carry on his dirty work for him. Even if you discover that your partner has evil intentions, he has his lieutenants around him to support his position and make you look like a real troublemaker.
There is no point approaching his lieutenants to reveal the truth because they have already been influenced and sedated by your partner’s charm. He has brainwashed them and made sure that they second his agenda of eroding your position even if you have been falsely accused.
However, just like you do not need to take your partner seriously and make a mental note that whatever he does is his problem, not yours to help you avoid feeling bad, his lieutenants are just his extensions and they lack his power and originality.
All you have to do is to identify all his lieutenants and avoid speaking ill of him as he will, sooner or later, be informed that you have been discussing your personal matters with his friends. This approach will only backfire and reinforce your partner’s position.
Once you have determined all his lieutenants, you must block them from your Twitter and Facebook accounts so that they may not have the information about you to pass on to their master. Discovering them will also help you neutralize their effect as they are mere extensions of your partner.
Narcissists are experts in taking a rational conversation round and round with no logical outcome. They do this deliberately to frustrate and irritate you. Remember, they feed on your emotions and if you react irritably, they have achieved their purpose.
Your objective here should be to convey how you are feeling instead of trying to understand what their feelings are during an argument that has no end. Never react aggressively as you will be giving them their desired reaction. Do not even bang the door while trying to walk away from the situation.
Once they discover that you are not concerned with how they are feeling, they will get confused and stop using circular conversations as one of their tactics to manipulate you. Also, always keep looking for statements with words like always or never.
Narcissists do not understand logic like other healthy people nor do they want you to be responsive in a logical way. When you are having a conversation, watch out if they use sentences like “you never bring me any gifts or you always stop me from doing all the right things. Note that they contain ‘always’ and ‘never’ which may not be true but you need to understand this pattern to avoid retaliating in an aggressive manner. You can politely end the conversation and simply walk away as this will corrode his desire to control you.
Now, you have started seizing control by maintaining calm even when you have been subjected to repetitive abuse and insult at the hands of your narcissist partner, never become complacent thinking that you are on the driving seat and expect a fierce attempt to fight back.
Your partner has been choked of a frequent supply of fuel he once cherished every time you reacted fiercely to his manipulative designs. He has been using reflection, projection and other manipulative techniques on you to survive but you are consistently refusing to play in his hands.
Once he has been pushed into a dark corner, he is going to use another method to reassert his control over you and it is in the form of fastidious denial. He is going to deny with outright conviction. He has already sensed that he is losing, something he hates because he is programmed to believe that he is always right.
He simply hates to lose and using denial as one of his manipulative weapons, he may rediscover his fast depleting aura. He is going to deny that he is wrong to the point that you may start doubting yourself. He knows that you are an empathic person with a good heart and he wants to use it as one of his last resorts to turn the tide in his favor.
His denial with a fierce conviction may stir emotions in you and you may try your best to show him using logic like every normal person does, that his views do not make any sense given any XYZ reasons.
Remind yourself that these people do not operate in reality nor do they see things logically. They have created their own reality long ago which they think is absolutely correct. You can never convince them even if you start banging your head against a wall. Their state of denial actually helps them gain control.
You do not have to accept their denial out of frustration either. Just accept that both of you have to disagree no matter what. What matters to you is the self-belief that you are right in your resolve and you do not have to share it with them. Just keep it to yourself and realize the fact that you are confronted with a mentally deranged person. The sooner you accept this, the better it will be for you to move ahead in life.
Moreover, do not ever try to convince his lieutenants about who is right and who is not as it is simply not going to work. Instead, you can turn to your supporters and friends you rely on to validate that you are right. You can also secretly record all the conversations as evidence to be used against him when needed.
Of course, it is not very easy to keep yourself calm in such a situation but that is the best weapon you can use against a narcissist because it corrodes their desire to control you and further strengthen your position.
Narcissists usually avoid relying on attrition or bullying as a way to reassert their control because it leaves behind ample evidence for others to find out who the real culprit is. Often time, these people use stealthy techniques to manipulate their targets as they are covert and hard to detect.
However, when nothing works for them to reassert their control over you, they may resort to verbal as well as physical bullying as a desperate attempt to tighten their seemingly slipping grip over you.
It is very difficult for them to deploy this method because if they bluntly bully you, they leave behind lots of traces for the third parties, who may involve in the future, as evidence to find out the truth. It is an obvious risk and expends a lot of their energy but they have been trapped from all corners and it is one of their last weapons to use against you.
In this kind of situation, you can either completely remove yourself and go to one of your friends’ houses or call the police if bullying turns into physical abuse. Do not take it lightly if it remains verbal because it can also wear you down making you susceptible to losing control and giving your partner fresh air to breathe in form of fuel.
If you react to verbal abuse out of frustration, your partner has already achieved his objective and by the time the third party arrives to assess the gravity of the situation, he has already been refuelled to maintain his calm and expose you as the real cause of the trouble.
The whole point is that you must not tolerate bullying regardless of the form it may take. If you can remove from the situation promptly without creating a fuss or record everything as it can help you prove your innocence. However, the best option for you is to leave the room or the building where it is taking place.
Once your partner resorts to this tactic, you should take it positively because it is quite evident now that your partner is losing control. You can use it to further strengthen your resolve and cheer yourself up for doing a good job.
Isolation is a very effective technique for a narcissist to manipulate his partner. It is deeply connected with the fact that the only concern these people have is about their own self.
They want to feed on your soul by depleting all the resources you may have to have fun and joy. They want you to be breathing through them as they target all those areas of your life that give you space and personal freedom to express yourself.
They first closely analyze all your connections that they think can give you the freedom to vent out your anger and stress. If they are your friends, they speak ill of them to you and convince you that they are not loyal to you.
They tactically cut you off from all those family members of yours who are close to you. They may do this by attending to your phone and lying to them that you are not available to talk when you might actually be somewhere near. If you receive gifts through TCS from your close friends or loved ones, they may hide or destroy them.
You have to watch out for certain traits to identify that your partner is actually secretly and tactfully working on isolating you from the herd to own you. As you are already aware of his nefarious designs, you have to look for certain clues that may indicate his hidden agenda.
This is another manipulative technique that your partner may use against you. He would temporarily leave the place where the two of you live together just to make sure that you plead with him through a phone call or message that you are missing him.
Your reaction is obvious when you notice that your partner has left you without informing you about his whereabouts. He has made you highly dependent on him at this stage and he no longer minds leaving you alone just to draw your attention and feel good.
However, you still have the tools to counterattack your partner’s malicious weapons of manipulation. As soon as you discover that he has left, you can drop a message or make a phone call. Since he has temporarily withdrawn from the relationship to make you chase him helplessly, he would ignore your message and phone call.
Once you have left a message or made a phone call, you can easily afford to stop trying to contact him. This can confuse him as he is expecting you to be desperate for him. Remember, he wants your attention as fuel and withdrawal is one of his manipulative tools to assert his control over you. As you ignore him like this, he would definitely come back to you as he breathes through you.
Once he has returned, he will not have any excuse to blame you for not trying to contact him when he was away as you made a phone call and left a message which he ignored. He may try to turn his withdrawal into affection which he used to seduce you when both of you were still dating each other. You have to be firm in your resolve and not get upset at any stage as that is what your partner wants from you.
His withdrawal of affection for you may be one of his ways to invite you to ask him if everything is fine and that is why he is behaving in such a way. Your ignorance and calmness would force him to stop using this technique as it would waste his energy and time.
Your partner may threaten you to end the relationship if you go against his wishes. He may make you feel at a loss at losing his love and affection for you by terminating the relationship.
He does not think like you do because his ability to use logic in many affairs is deranged. Your job is to take all of his threats seriously because if you do not, you may suffer a lot. Also, never challenge your partner when he is making threats as it would make him act on it to clear his stance.
He may use the threatened loss to trap you into second-guessing. He may not act on them but if you challenge him, thinking that his threats are always empty, he would prove you wrong. Thus, you must take this aspect very seriously and maintain your counterattack strategy to neutralize him if he is to act upon his threats ever.
Do not give heed to what others say to change your mind or make you believe otherwise as they are not the ones who would suffer. It is you who will have to face the threats of your partner whether they are intended to be empty to confuse you or not.
The purpose of this method is to inflict damage on your reputation. By devaluing your character to others behind your back, he is using this technique to further isolate you from others. It is also an attempt to manipulate you by making you react in frustration as you find out that your partner has been speaking ill of you even if what he is telling others about you is not true.
This can literally irritate you and your natural reaction would be to reach out to all these people to prove your innocence but it is exactly the kind of reaction your partner wants from you. By getting irritated, you are playing in his hands to give him the fuel he needs from you.
There are two things you can do if you find out that your character has falsely been presented in a poor manner to turn all the people you know against you. First, you can file a complaint against your partner to the police, especially, if you have been subjected to verbal abuse on social media.
However, this option is a reaction from you; something he wants but you should use it if the matter is very serious. Second, the best thing you can do is to ignore whatever your partner is doing. You need to remind yourself that he hates to be ignored and once you do that, you will disarm him.
Do not worry about what he is saying behind your back because people who trust you will not take it seriously. People who do take it are just ignorant and you do not have to take them too seriously. Also, your partner is mentally disordered and by regularly denying him the attention he wants from you, you are getting one step closer to beating him in the game of power and control.
Forget about wasting your time and energy trying to convince those people who do not trust you. They have been brainwashed and there is nothing you can do to change it other than ignore it. Stay close to people who trust you as it will play a crucial role to keep your sanity intact.
Narcissists deliberately manufacture situations and circumstances to make you obsess about their behavior. They would usually pass an unpleasant remark on you in an attempt to engage you in analyzing their behavior. They keep you guessing by omitting usual greetings you once exchanged before commitment.
They want you stuck in the past obsessed by them while they move on with their goals. They do not want you to take any action and keep sitting where you are at the moment. You are an empathic and compassionate person naturally because you are programmed to figure out what is hurting other people and what is making them feel good.
Your natural intention on your partner’s random behavior would be to think and worry about what you can do to make him happy, but he is not like that as he never understands logic. He does not want you to see the world from a healthy perspective but their falsely designed reality.
They want you to get obsessed with them as they exhibit weird behavior in a random way. Their purpose is to confuse you and make you go bonkers. You need to stop considering their highly demanding behavior.
You have to realize that no matter how hard you try to change these people, you will never be able to do it. They lack your empathy and compassion and they do not care about your feelings as long as you are of any use to them.
They use you as a stepping stone to fulfil their desires. The sooner you realize this fact the better it would be for you. Instead of getting obsessed with their behavior, focus on making your own life better.
Ignore them because there is no point in trying to fix their behavior. If you find it difficult to disengage yourself from trying to figure out his hurtful behavior, just ask yourself whether you are getting any benefit from it or not.
It is used by a narcissist as a way to inquire with him what is really wrong with him. Of course, when a person living with you under the same roof sharing everything stays silent for a prolonged period, it could make you feel uneasy and push you to analyze your behavior to find out if you have done anything wrong sometime back in the past.
He uses it to make you do things that he wants you to do. He will purposefully hurt you and make you confused about why he is behaving in a peculiar manner. Often, he may also leave your property without informing you when he would come back.
In some cases, he would only opt to leave you for just a week. The next time he leaves you, you will not worry as you will think that he would be back in a week time. But this time, he may prolong his stay to confuse you because he wants you to contact him and ask if everything is fine.
You need not be worried by such tactics because you already know that he cannot stay away for too long as he always needs you to obtain his fuel from you. He will be back sooner or later and there is no doubt about it. All you can do is just leave a message for him so that when he comes back, he will not use your ignorance to make you appear on the wrong side.
In addition, he may also throw a lavish party in an expensive restaurant to make you feel excited. However, when you go with him and sit next to him awaiting those who are invited, he may avoid talking to you. He is going to look at you but he will not bother to engage in any fruitful conversation with you.
He is going to make you feel lonely as he would speak to other guests, but he would refuse to talk to you to make you feel that you have done something wrong. Once you have that feeling, you will be prompted to ask him as to what is really wrong with his silent treatment.
This is exactly what he wants you to do and you have to keep your temper under control. Stay calm and just like you have been ignoring his behavior, you need to do the same in this situation as well.
When you refuse to give any sort of reaction, despite him pushing you beyond your boundaries, you neutralize his ability to manipulate you using his wicked behavior. Also, never even hope of fixing his behavior as you will just end up wasting your time. He is programmed that way and in his own world, he is all superior and all-knowing and he would do anything possible to reassert his control over you.
Once your partner has decided to part ways with you or you have finally made your mind to discard him, you may struggle to remove his presence entirely from your life. He has deliberately preserved some happy and delightful moments with you. He has played very smartly during all those days when both of you were together as he has made sure that you find it extremely difficult to completely remove him from the picture.
When you listen to a certain song, you may remember him as it might have repeatedly been played during your communion. All those memories spent with him will come back to your mind. Not just the song, the fragrance of his aftershave whenever you buried your head in his chest to feel safe.
You have to identify all the euphoria evoking memories and delete them from your life. All the cards, gifts, mementoes and letters must be torched with fire. If you keep any of his memory close to you, you would be tempted to go back to him.
You may feel guilty or feel the pain of separation but you must resist all these temptations if you want him to be completely forgotten from your life. He already knows this and he may also make an attempt to catch you back using his ever-presence as one of his most effective manipulative tactics.
Delete him from all your social media accounts. Remove his contact number from your phone and even avoid talking about him. If possible, try to avoid socializing with those people who are close to him. Shift your focus on productive activities and enter into new relationships.
Bringing up the Past
When you catch him off guard, he would suddenly prop up the buried ghosts of the pasts. It is a manipulative strategy to distract you from what is being discussed at the moment as you have hit one of his nerves. You have to remember that it is his instinct to never take responsibility for his actions.
You can also never make him believe that he is ever wrong. In his mind, he is always right and to defend his stance; he would tactfully deviate you from the main topic of discussion to infuriate or frustrate you. Your reaction is all he wants and by taking you in the past by pointing out one of your biggest blunders or mistakes, he is trying to steer clear from the picture.
Narcissists are extremely good at remembering things, especially when they have badly been hurt in the past. They are very good at mixing and spinning arguments from mainstream discussion. They would bring you to the past and blame you to make you appear sorry.
They may also create something out of nothing to put you on the back foot. You may get tempted to react by denying just like every normal empathic person because you are hardwired to look for correct behavior.
Your partner is not that way and he could go to any extent to make you react to get energy from you. You need to ignore him and remind him that the matter he has suddenly brought up out of nowhere does not complement the present discussion. Just say it calmly and politely and he would again be denied of the fuel he wants from you by deploying this manipulative method.
Since your partner believes that he is entitled to everything and lead his life as he wishes, he does not have any concern for your personal boundaries or space. He is programmed to believe that what is yours is theirs as well. It means everything you own, they are naturally entitled to it.
They would frequently violate your boundaries by invading your private space even if you try to contain them, using verbal or nonverbal cues. They may read your emails, check messages on your phone with impunity and if you react, it will not have any meaningful impact on them.
Further, he would also reveal all your secrets to other parties and flirt with others in front of you without any fear or shame. You cannot question them as they believe themselves to be superior to everyone.
Their perverse behavior has a hidden agenda and it is acted upon to demean or belittle you. For him, you are not entitled to have any boundaries to be violated. He would create his own boundaries and confine you within them. You cannot protest, but if you go against his wish, you would face his wrath.
One of the manipulative tactics he uses is domestic theft. He would share a space with other members of the household but turn it into what is desirable to him. He would listen to music loudly even if you complain that you have a headache, he will not listen but if it is contrary, he would shower you with abusive statements, making you feel guilty for his follies. You must learn to ignore and reveal your concerns in a calm and manner.
If you shout, you are playing right into his hands. You have to be careful when addressing such concerns by keeping your tone calm. Never reveal that you are deeply frustrated. Avoid calling names or using abusive language as it is further going to infuriate him and may use it as a way to escalate things.
Hide your things and if you do not want him to interrupt while you are having a good time with your friends, shift to some other place he does not know about. If you accuse him of violating your boundaries, you are challenging his superiority by blaming and labelling him.
It is one of the strongest techniques used by a narcissist. Although, it is contrary to their true instinctive behavior it fits perfectly with the person who cares for them. Deep inside, they know that you are a helpful and caring person and you are naturally wired to help anyone in pain.
When your partner turns into self-pity mode, he assures you that you can no longer hurt him. After all, anyone sane person having empathy would never hurt someone who is already at the perils. Thus, he may use this technique to gain your attention in form of your love and care.
When they are running a smear campaign against you, they tell others of your offensive behavior so that when the situation calls for, the whole crowd backs them expecting you to offer some support as a life partner. It could be extremely pressurizing since now, you are judged by a number of different people. If you fall into this trap and show any guilt, your partner will use this method, again and again, to get your attention whenever needed in the future.
You need to identify that he is playing the pity card to control you. He would play a victim which would lay the ground for you to offer him a word of sympathy and that is what he wants from you. You have to resist this temptation and avoid bowing down.
Never apologize because you have not done anything wrong. Your partner has manufactured his own problem to make you a scapegoat. If you do seek pardon, it means that his manipulation is working on you and this would encourage him.
Never think what other people around are thinking about you because rational and decent people will always figure out the drama created and played by your better half. Avoid reacting in an emotional way. Stay calm and strong to increase your chances of escaping.
This tactic helps narcissists achieve their objectives through a third party like people from your family, neighbors, colleagues and even inanimate objects like a car. The whole purpose to use this manipulating method is to involve the third element in your relationship with your partner so that he could fulfil his aims.
You may eventually figure out that your partner is controlling you but when a third person is involved who would exactly do what is being told as he would be brainwashed against you. In addition, it is going to give him the fuel he always craves as you react to the false accusations made by one of your partner’s disciples. You cannot afford to react in rage because that is what he wants you to do.
The best thing you can do is to identify that triangulation has been formed against you where your partner would wage a proxy war through his recruits from your family, colleagues or friends.
It is highly likely that there could be more than one triangulation that have been formed against you. If you figure out one, you cannot be complacent as there could be several more involved to do the nasty work for your partner.
There is no point fighting with your partner’s members of the triangulated groups because you will not be able to defend your innocence. If you try doing that, you would be further buried into a dirty pool of mud.
Since you cannot control others in the covert group being used against you, your best bet is to identify all the triangulations and quit them. You cannot control your partner or his followers but you can control yourself.
Just stop engaging in the group and you would be able to escape this method of manipulation of your partner. Further, keep reminding yourself that these people do not consider logic as the basis to operate. They need your reaction to maintain their aura of self-perceived superiority.
Your relationship with your narcissist partner is based on false hope. He keeps you closer to him by promising that he would try to change his behavior and that everything will back to where it used to be when you started seeing each other for the first time.
Never give in to his tactics as he uses hope as one of his manipulative methods to make you believe that he would change for good. He may seem to be trying as soon as he promises you, but his genetic makeup will eventually turn him into the default mode.
Always remember that no matter how hard you try, you can never fix him. Thus, it is better to cut him off from your life forever and focus on your development. Go as far away as possible from him as well his lieutenants. Build new relationships and strengthen your resolve to avoid him at all costs.
He may try to get you back but you have to cut off all the roads of your life that he may use to be in your life again. Beware of all his manipulative tactics and remember that his problems are not yours. You do not have to carry his burden as it is not your responsibility.
As empathy, you have it all in your character to bounce back in life and get things back on the right track. Cheer your freedom and warmly welcome the new dawn and era in your life where you will reconstruct everything for good.
The Ultimate Secret to Escaping a Narcissist
The best way to escape a narcissist is to avoid any form of contact with him ever again. It means that you have to be absolutely determined to not allow him back into your life. It can be very effective because once you are no longer in touch with him, he would be denied to breathe because you are his ultimate source of attention.
However, it may not be as easy as it sounds, especially if your connection with him is permanent. If you have children, there is no way that you can completely avoid him as being a parent; you will have to share certain things with him.
The best thing you can do is to minimize the interaction with him. If an argument has erupted between both of you, politely go away. Never try to fix his behavior as you can never do that.
He would do everything he can to get back into your life. He would be spying on you through his lieutenants, social media and exploit other connections that both of you commonly shared. You have to block him on social media and even get rid of some of his lieutenants who could possibly be your close friends.
You have to be wary that he can change his profile to find out where you are and what you are doing. He may also contact you through an online dating website, disguising himself. You have to grow a very thick skin to make sure that all his efforts to get back into your life are effectively neutralized. You have to be very strong and firm in your resolve.
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